If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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