Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
