You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
