I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
