He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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