i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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