i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize