and you said cock pushups were impossible
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
