onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
