My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
