Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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