I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
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All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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