Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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