I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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