don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
