dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
