Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
