dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
