I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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