shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
