Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
