I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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