He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
