I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
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What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
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And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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