He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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