im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
