Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
