Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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