I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
