Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
