yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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