i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
