you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
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