My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
