Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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