Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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