Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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