You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
