he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
