I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
