I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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