You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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