my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
