the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
