tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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