the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
