Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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