Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She even gives head with a lisp.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
