I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
