yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
