did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
