When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
