Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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