How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
