So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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