Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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