dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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