no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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