Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The uberlube is also flammable
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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