Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
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the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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