i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
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the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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