her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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