he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
