note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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