I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
