There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
