Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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