Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
