hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
