I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
